fairoza
knock me out of my trance
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fairoza
knock me out of my trance
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Ozakmrzmn
Seventeen
A Republican
Mysteriously Magical
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Monday, June 30, 2008
O level malay
i m so fucking mad at myself~ seriously can i turn back time? i had my O' levels malay oral today. guess wht, i corkup & blew it off. i made a fool of myself in front of the teachers. dammit! erghhhhhhhh~ i dont even know wht i was sayin. my sentence is all mixed & jumbled up all together. wtf! the teachers even gave me a blur look. im too nervous i guess. above all that i still hope for a distinction, i hope my written malay exam will pass so well so that it couls help me bringing my grades up.
TAG REPLIES:
fliq- im doing much better now. thanks for the concern darla, i have a good time working w u thatime~ :))
fet- i will & still hanging on there, ily beb
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Monday, June 23, 2008
k bye
shame on you. so after all it wasnt he's fault, its yours. making use of him to splurge on valuables & stuff. what kind of human being are you? a stupid one maybe. & not just that but you cheated on him after a long 3 years of relat. i put me & the others in so much trouble. how come you look so fine & not feel guilty abt it. you made mummy cried for ur bad doings~ ergh fuck you ah.
p.s i understand ur situation but pls stop calling me 24/7.
its iritating ~
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Thursday, June 19, 2008
21st june
   finally today i had a good night sleep after 3days of hell. sometimes if it's meant to be it's meant to be (kakros & dani's quote). i've went through the most intense situation in my relationship. i can feel myself getting better each time. i think back , think again & think hard but none of it seems worth it. cos idk was the true reason & answers, its all with him. i cried in the dark for days trying to figure out why & what went wrong. though its still isnt worth it. yesterday i made a decision to just let him be. stop pestering him, all i can do is wait for him to come. patiently as i do & finally today at 5am in the morning i receive 2 long msgs for him. i was grateful that he did show up, as far as i could remember i told myself that "he will never come back"- but he did. he decided to give me one last chance, one week for me to change & make a promise. thank you so much
apology's to my friends cos ive cause u guys so much trouble. ive been crying on you'all shoulders for so long, now i have to stand on my very two feet alone. handle my own issues.
anw saturday 21st june is mummy's birthday. whee:) but too bad i dint get to celebrate w her cos i'll be busy working. sorry mummy~ so i decided to celebrate it in advanced & bought her a cakie (cake + cookie), really nice yknow. i was delighted to see my mum looks so happy. plus i bought two more cupcakes for myself, huhu very tempting. it is still in my refrigerator i haven eat yet cos it looks too cute to be eaten. anw HAPPY 44TH BIRTHDAY MUM! -erm born in 1964 erm if my calculation is correct
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Tuesday, June 17, 2008
dear: faizin
ytd i had a really hard time- trying to look fine. which everybody knows im not. but im just trying to put on a good mood so that i wont created any drama scene. ive been holding back my tears so badly ytd, idk if any of you might notice. when i return home i just couldnt get hold of it anymore and just cried satisfying it. it is just to heavy to hold back~ anyway ive been asking around people for advice. somehow it isnt enough, i jus have to blurb out everything. hoping i'll feel much better. i feel so awful, depressed, worn out, anxious & etc. ytd i slept so late & yet i woke up so early today. i hardly get any sleep, so many questions been popping inside my head. how i wish you were beside me, i just wanna cuddle u so hard. people or even ive been wondering why must i hang on to you eventhough you've hurt me countless times. idk? i need you to understand me. leaving is hurtful enough, you avoided me ytd. why do you have to leave so soon? im mostly confused about my status. single but not avalaible is that it. think about it its not one month or two we've been together, its one year my dear. how's that possible for me to let go easily, tell me? last time, you did somthing really wrong & low but i've yet to forgive you. not once or twice neither trice but many. i let it go just like a breeze, but now its your turn to forgive me. if you dont like it say to me, teach me or should i say educate me how to be a good gf. we haven had a real conversation. what the hell is up w you dammit? sick for sticking to the same girl hah. tell me for hellsake. how come its so easy for you to let go of me despite the one year long relat. klaka pe kau~ ergh pls by friday i'm gona text/call you up. i give you 3 days to rest the matter. pls takecare of yourself. p.s i still love you. hais Labels: oza, yours truly
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oh why you have to go?
Ku terperangkap dalam kabus yang gelap
tak dapat bayangkan diriku tanpamu
semakin hari ku semakin rindu
hati yang teguris kini jadi sendu
Hatiku tertutup kerna apa
agak ku salah langkah
tidak pernah sabar
cuba hendak mengerti
jawapan yang diberi
philosophy cinta
sudah pudarkan diri
tidak akan sekali
menyusul kembali
cinta yg diberi
saat kau menyakiti
jiwa raga
senyuman diberi
memori yg indah akan tetap ku ingati
kini ku sedar siapa diriku ini
bayanganmu ku sering termimpi-mimpi
kata-kata mu hanya manis di bibir
usah buat ku sering terfikir-fikir
oh mengapa cinta kita berubah
oh mengapa cinta kita didusta
Ku terperangkap dalam kabus yg gelap
tak dapat bayangkan diriku tanpamu
semakin hari ku semakin rindu
hati yg terguris kini jadi sendu
Kini ku merehatkan diri
dari segala fikiran
cuba menghebahkan
pesanan yg bernas lagi bestari
cinta itu buta tapi tidak murah
tetap dilupakan remaja
mengapa dipersiakan kalau tidak rela
ini bukan permainan ibarat boneka
ku jujur ku teguh
tetap ihklas di hati
tapi bukan bayangmu
yang ku dakapi
oh mengapa cinta kita berubah
oh mengapa cinta kita didusta
p.s this is wht im feeling currently.
i cant sleep, you're haunting my mind right now
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Saturday, June 14, 2008
facepainter
 hello guys, meet my new friend "tiger"
i paint that for him during my work today.
done by:oza biase:)
    i took this in the morning before going
to work, trying to keep me entertain.
was kinda sleepy while i took this shot
(see those eyebags)
p.s i blog 3post today:) go read dont waste
my time posting but no one read. tsk pfft
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dear: kakak
mood: sad
its not because im having problems but my sister is. currently now at this moment just behind me, she's been crying to her bf to stay & hang on to her. i pity her alot, it's not that she's over-reacting or making a drama or an emotional scene but i truly understand her situation. ok maybe it's not my place or my rights' to blog these post abt her personal life. but i really am sad, i wanted to help but frankly me & my sister doesnt clique that well. we only spoke if that's a need. its arkward for me to suddenly came up to her & talk abt her issue. hearing her cries, even i cant look at her cos i just hate to see my sis gets hurt. it pierces deeply inside my heart to hear you cry. i understand if u really love that person & he wants to leave u just like that despite the long relationship u & him have gone through. i've been there done that my dear. oh big sister i wish i could help you. stay strong i love you huney~ if only u read this.
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saturday
   some of u guys might go "oh pfft and there they go getting back together again", right?
cos we're constantly argueing & fighting. but seriously that doesnt mean we cant hang on. & yes we might not compromise our issues that well. oh well guys & girls, im just happy the way it is. i've been hurt inside out and encountered the most painful experienced but im still standing strong. those feelings will never fade away bby~
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Thursday, June 12, 2008
uhuh
honestly, i feel lonely. i just feel so neglected besides having girlfriends, friends & even boyfriend ard me. i have an issue, but i dont think people would prolly understand. it may seem alright but its not actually. oh today was definitely the most miserable day for me. i went out alone w/o any accompany. & my boyfriend fall sick, which tomorrow i plan to meet him. ohhhh wonderful ! :( tskkk pfft
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Tuesday, June 3, 2008
hangings~
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Monday, June 2, 2008
u sound like a gay, yknow?
tag reply:
baby- thanks for the concern, things really have change but im trying to hang on there
ifah- thank you darla:)) link me btw
dani- i will dani, thanks alot for the advice thtime
dilly- dilly ! the hardcore blogger, aha yes ok i will cheer up~
dont worry bby
fet- makasih darla ! your advice was an eye-opener for me. ily
oh my day wasnt that great today except for this morning when bf made a suprise visit to my place. i was so estatic, huhu~ but we got into an arguement (again), tsk but we were okay not long after that. night call wasnt going that well, we argue (again). hanging conversation was beginning to be like a routine:(( i know i wasnt being someone you want me to be, i just dont understand what you're trying to reach. sometimes you bring me down so low, i just remain unflappable. i dont blame you, maybe its me. tsk idk, im confused.
p.s "at least aku bodoh bkn hodoh cam kau", hah that phrase tickles my balls man. u girls really made me laugh~ do you even know what hodoh means? i bet you dont. kiwekk, kimakk. oops? hearing the confrontation just now was uber funny ok. all u girls spit was NONSENSE. dont act like you're one big shot, cos you aint one geddit pig? oh oops again. haha & dawgggg girl your voice was so iritating. sounds like my grandmama, oh hers is even better. i think you sounds like a gay. HAHAHA! bulu roma aku tercabot sial, lari pegi china~ ah mampos. LOL? ee geli
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